I felt really unattractive the entire two weeks in Atlanta. Been feeling terrible about myself in general the last few months. I rarely talk about my insecurities ever, except to Omar, but thought I’d open up today. It’s such a battle to love myself no matter what weight I’m at. There’s always something to be unhappy about. Small boobs, frizzy hair, big thighs, the list goes on and it’s always evolving based on the latest societal pressures. My eyelashes always seemed normal, but now they’re not long enough. My lips always felt normal but now they’re not big enough. My butt always felt nice but now it’s not round enough. Ha ha Society really fucks with my mind sometimes.
I spent two days, two visits, to this African store trying to find the perfect dress. Paid $150 for it and then regretted it the moment I got home and took another look at it. The truth is, it didn’t matter what I bought or how much money I spent. . . My mind was troubled and nothing was going to make me happy.
But the night of the mailchimp kickoff party, I got dressed and took this picture and was like “Iris, you’re beautiful. Slim, thick, short hair, long hair, flat tummy, fat tummy, it doesn’t matter. You are beautiful.” And it felt so good in that moment to feel that way. And I continued to feel that way the entire night. And though the feeling is fleeting, it comes and goes, pictures like this are important because it reminds me of how I felt in that moment. It helps me remember that feeling and hold onto it again for as long as I can.
Taking pictures when we feel good or look fly is not just about showing off to the world or declaring our beauty. It’s also about capturing a moment. Capturing a feeling, that for many of us is not a constant.
Happy Sunday
#beingawoman #beingapersonreally
